i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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