Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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