i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
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