oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
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Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
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They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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