Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
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I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
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I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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