I just made out with a guy for $7.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
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no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
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THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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