I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize