I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
it glows. i had to have it.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize