My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize