last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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