dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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