I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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