For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
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High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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