Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
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at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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