Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
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This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
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So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
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