Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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