I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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