If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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