I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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