so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
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you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
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My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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