Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize