she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize