Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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