She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
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As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
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You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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