you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize