She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize