did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
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I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
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No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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