you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
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Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
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Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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