we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
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Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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