He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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