you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Ladies don't puke and tell
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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