just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
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