This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize