you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
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i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
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I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
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