I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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