You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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