i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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