When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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