end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize