I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize