Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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