My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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