What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
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Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
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You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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