1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
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you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
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He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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