I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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