I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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