Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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