Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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