Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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