I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Dicks are not precious.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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