We won't sleep together?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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